Five Types of Friends for Your Inner Circle

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                   Like many women, as I’ve gotten older, my social circle has transformed. Whether it was due to lifestyle changes or physical distance, my friendships are not the same as they were 10 years ago. Recently, I was talking to a friend about how our personalities balance each other. It got me to thinking about the different “types” of friends in my inner circle. Although the actual individuals may have shifted over the years, there are a few key players that I will always have close by. Below, I’m sharing five types of friends you should consider adding to your inner circle – if they aren’t already there.   

The Go-Getter: this one is pretty self-explanatory. She has unparalleled perseverance, and always goes for what she wants. At times, I also refer to her as the Miracle Worker. I’ve come to understand that there is no point in trying to figure out how she does what she does, because sometimes, it just comes down to favor. The good thing about the Go-Getter, is that she never tries to diminish my dreams. If there is even an inkling that I might be serious about something, she is always down to make a plan.

Straight No-Chaser (aka Miss Reality): this friend keeps it real every single day. If I need an honest opinion, she’s the one to turn to. One thing to be mindful of, is that although she is firm in her point of view, that doesn’t mean she’s always right. I appreciate my Miss Reality because sometimes I need someone to filter out the noise.  

The Prayer Warrior: this friend often exhibits other personality traits, but what really elevates her, is her ability and willingness to pray. I have no doubt that my prayer warrior friend has a unique spiritual connection. There have been many times when I haven’t felt my best, and she has texted me out of the blue with an encouraging message.

The Creative (aka the Free Spirit): Two of my inner circle fall into this category. One is local and one isn’t. Their passion for the arts helps to keep me cultured. The one that’s across the country, likes to stay current on “my” arts scene. Pre-pandemic, she would often call or text, with a request for me to check out an exhibit or show for her. I didn’t always agree, but when I did, my local Creative was by my side. This type of friend is important because they help nurture my creativity. In addition, they are very in tune with their feelings and emotions. As someone who isn’t very emotional (outwardly, at least), they remind me that I am human, and they are compassionate toward everyone that they meet.  

The Big Sister: Even if you have a biological sister, it never hurts to have one more. This friend may not always be older, but in my case she is. I turn to her when I need a biased (99% of the time she’s on my side) opinion. She has experienced just about everything that I will face, and gives advice in a non-judgmental way. My Big Sister also happens to be married now, and it has been inspiring to watch her move from the single life to a wife.  

Not all of these “friend types” have to be separate individuals. Depending on the situation, some friends embody traits from more than one type. That’s okay, in fact it’s great to have more than one person to lean on – just don’t over do it. What are the “friend types” in your inner circle? Will you be making any changes in the future?

How To Save Yourself - At Work (Mid-Year Review)

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Please note that I am not an HR professional. This post is strictly based on the opinions of myself and a friend – who is also not an HR professional.

Recently, I was talking to a friend about her upcoming mid-year review. She was concerned about the number of tasks that she hadn’t completed. My friend has a tendency to stress herself out at times, and this was one of those times. She works really hard and is more qualified for her job than she would ever admit. However, she works in the philanthropy world, and COVID-19 has had a significant impact on her work (like many other industries). With the recent job losses, and economic downturn, her job has become even more difficult. That being said, she was overwhelmed with how her review would go, and what the outcome might be (i.e. – would she still have a job). At the end of our discussion she said, “Someone just needs to tell people, Save Yourself.” So here are a few things we came up with for how someone can save themselves during a performance review.

Start With The Progress You Have Made

We decided that putting my friend’s completed tasks at the top of the list was important. It would allow her to begin the conversation on a positive note and highlight all of her wins. You know I am a fan of celebrating wins. After all, when you check something off the list, you need to acknowledge that you made it happen.

Be Honest About What Still Needs To Be Done

This is easier said than done. I reminded my friend to speak confidently during this part of the conversation. It’s also helpful to be concise. Rambling can lead to confusion and frustration. You want your manager to be clear on what items are outstanding and why. In terms of the “why,” lay out a plan for how you will fix any issues that came up. If you don’t have a solution, ask for help. My friend has had personnel issues, which have slowed down her team’s progress. It’s something everyone is aware of, but only talks about in hushed tones (insert side-eye). I encouraged her to be very clear on how these challenges have affected the team, and what she needs from leadership.

Set A Timeline

While timelines set expectations, they can also be nerve-wracking. Before you set your timeline, be sure that it’s manageable. It is always better to under-promise and over-deliver than it is to over-promise and under-deliver. My friend decided to break her deadlines into quarters. She easily identified what she could get done from the present quarter through Q.1 of 2021.

Much of what she does is influenced by other parts of her organization – either by needs that they have or their turnaround time for completing projects. This is one reason that she has extended deadlines into next year. I urged her to be clear about how she selected her various deadlines, and why. Once again, being concise and providing specific examples is helpful.

Don’t Allow Yourself To Be Guilted Into Silence

My friend was concerned that expressing her perspective on what’s holding back the team’s progress, could lead to tension with her manager, and her name being added to the furlough list. That’s understandable. In a normal economy, it’s hard to talk about help you may need. With job cuts being made across industries right now, no one wants to rock the boat. At the same time, if you need help and don’t speak up, you can’t get what you need. This means you’ll be feeling this same anxiety when year-end reviews roll around.

Depending on the pressure that your manager is getting from above, they may not want to discuss anything aside from how you can increase productivity. Do not let comments about being lucky to have a job, derail you from asking for what you need. If you perform well, your boss looks good. At the end of the day, that’s what matters most. If you need something that you don’t have, in order to make everyone look good, speak up.  

Note- If your manager seems to be giving you unusual pushback about your concerns, that could be a red flag. Contemplate holding off during the meeting. Instead, consider following-up with an email that expresses those same sentiments. Include your requests for assistance or a separate meeting to continue the discussion.  

Make Sure You Have A Written Record

If you don’t remember anything else, be sure to have a written record of your performance review. If it’s a good review – keep a copy. If it’s a bad review – definitely keep a copy. If there is anything you disagree with, don’t feel pressured to sign the form. Your boss will likely sign it anyway, but you can submit an addendum or follow-up email stating your disagreement.

If there is something missing, or your tasks or goals were changed during the review, make sure you get an updated copy before signing it. If the updated copy isn’t available for some reason, then send your follow-up email. Be sure to include what your new tasks or goals are, when they are due, and any follow-up items, such as additional support or resources that will be provided to you. If your manager doesn’t respond to your email, that’s okay too. The point is, that you’ve sent it. Make sure you either forward the email to your personal email address or print a physical copy.

Performance reviews are not easy discussions to have. You don’t like them, and it’s safe to assume your manager doesn’t like them either. Develop your plan ahead of time and speak confidently during the discussion. You got this!