Three Things My Mother Taught Me
It’s the second Sunday in May. In the U.S., that means it is Mother’s Day. There are a lot of people who will not be celebrating with their mother’s, in-person, due to the Coronavirus. Then there are people like me, who will not be celebrating with their mother’s because they are no longer living. This is not something that I talk about and have not written about – until now. A few months ago, when a good friend suggested I consider writing a post about my mother I quickly shut the idea down. This friend pointed out that my loss was the catalyst for me writing my fiction novel, and that one aspect of my blog encourages others to reach a goal, take a leap of faith, or move past a mountain (like losing a parent). I told her that I would think about it. Then, my previous writing coach, who was always pushing me to step outside of my comfort zone, wrote about a serious health issue that she is currently facing. I thought to myself, “If she can put herself out there, with the hope of inspiring another woman, why can’t I?” So here we are.
I am a firm believer in leaning toward the positive, so this is not a sad post. Instead, I have chosen to share three of the many things that I learned from my mother.
1. Don’t Compromise on What Is Important
Although she wasn’t one to make a scene, she believed in advocating for herself. By extension, that also meant advocating for me. Growing up, I didn’t really absorb this lesson, because if there was ever a major issue, my mother took care of it. As an adult, I have had to put this into practice, even when it’s been uncomfortable, but that’s a post for another day. When I was in elementary school, my mother had a disagreement with her boss. From what I could gather through eavesdropping, her boss suggested a personnel change. My mom didn’t agree with the change and refused. I don’t know how long they went back and forth on the issue, but my mother would not concede. Instead, she quit her job. Yes, she gave up her job because she didn’t agree with one of her subordinates losing theirs. Years later, when we were discussing something else, I told my mother that she was “uncompromising.” Do you know what she told me? “I’m willing to compromise, except when it’s something really important.”
2. Perseverance Is Key
I had an old-school, “I’m not your friend, I’m not your mother,” type of mom. At times, she could be strict. I started taking piano lessons as a kid. What I thought was going to be a one-year trial-run, turned into a twelve-year commitment. She wouldn’t let me quit, and unless I had a fever, I had to practice every single day. At some point, I decided to join the orchestra, and loved the violin. Homework and practicing the piano and violin began to overwhelm my eleven-year old self. I went back to my mother and told her I needed to quit an instrument. She said, “okay,” and I thought I was finally going to escape the ivory keys. I was wrong. Her reply, “As long as you’re living under my roof, you’re going to play the piano.” Aside from developing a sense of discipline, it was also an early lesson in perseverance. She taught me that you don’t always get to do what you want. Sometimes, someone else is making the big decisions. In order to succeed, you have to learn to endure whatever obstacles you’re facing – or think you’re facing – because it’s all temporary. Piano lessons actually turned out to be good for me, and she was right, they didn’t last forever.
3. Faith Is Essential
Last, but not least, my mother was very spiritual. She was a silent, prayer warrior. As soon as we got to our pew on Sundays, before she even sat down, she would kneel in prayer. Her faith was so strong, that when she was preparing to have surgery for an aneurysm, and the surgeon told her that he had everything under control, she responded, “No, you are a passenger in the car too.” She was telling him that he may have been in the driver’s seat, but God was controlling the steering wheel.
Earlier, I mentioned that I tend to lean toward the positive. I believe I got it from her. I was the type of child that set really high expectations for myself. Looking back, my mother knew that sometimes I was setting myself up for disappointment. Instead of discouraging my ambition, she tried to minimize the fallout. She recited scriptures about faith and hope on a regular basis, and unsuccessfully tried to get me to develop daily affirmations. Back then, I didn’t think I needed my own faith. I believed her faith was so large that it covered me too. I was also Type-A and thought I could plan everything into existence. I’m still an over-planner. When I was getting ready to take the Bar Exam, my mom gave me index cards, where she had written scriptures that she wanted me to meditate on before the test. After her death, I finally created my own scripture index-cards. One of the first ones I taped to my mirror was one that she had written with Philippians 4:8, encouraging me to focus on the good. She taught me that there will be times when faith is all you have, but sometimes that’s all you need.
Even though my mother isn’t here for me to celebrate with her, I am thankful for the time that we got to spend together. Having a mother that was so active in my life was a blessing. I have come to realize that she wasn’t simply teaching me what she knew about living, she was also providing me with the skills to move forward after she was gone. And for that, I am truly grateful.
